The Retail Reality Show

America loves reality TV, especially when it’s not really real. Retail has not made into the reality genre as yet, but hand to God, I pray someday it might. It could be great for the industry.

Granted, reality TV has long embraced, swarthy semi-clad men doing a flawless passé double, blonde cougars on the prowl, weary-eyed bachelors and teary-eyed bachelorettes handing out red roses, guy lined singers, tyrannical chefs with bad hair cuts, Christian Siriano, Joan Rivers--and even enjoyed the occasional survivor being force-fed a tasty treat of scorpions and maggots. It’s a pretty broad landscape, but one bereft of the world of retail.

Here is my proposal--some enterprising TV producer should create a series called “The Great American Storey” (Get it? Storey instead of Story!). Ten stores would compete for sales by having to complete some sort of a retail obstacle each week. There would be an open casting call, and each store (instead of singing off key) would have to describe their store (without naming it) and why they think it’s the best store in America, and therefore has the best "storey." Hence, the clever title of the show. Week one: the CEOs of Macy’s, Saks and Wal-Mart would have to work on the sales floors of their stores, in the towel department, (historically the lowest rung in retail hierarchy of departments) and actually speak to customers and sales associates. Oh, by the way, they’d work the same cruddy hours, have to wear polo shirts and name badges, and only get minimum wage. Week two: similar stores like Banana Republic and Club Monaco, or Uniqulo and The Gap, would need to swap all their merchandise with each other to see how long it would take for customers to even realize they were in the wrong store. The first customer that realizes, “Hey, I’m in Abercrombie & Fitch, not a Hollister,” wins that week’s immunity. In another week’s episode, stores would need to create a window display that epitomized the company’s core message. Here’s the catch, a customer chosen at random will tell them what they think the company’s core message is (laughter ensues). America would vote each week by going to the company’s Web site and clicking a link. During the show, I see product placement, celebrity guests, great advertising in prime time, and a renewed interest in America to check out these retailers. Naturally, there’d be a panel of three judges, respected names in the industry, reading the competitors to filth or cheering them on-- Simon Doonan, Sam Walton and Andrea Jung are my nominees.

The possibilities are endless. What retail challenges would you like to see? Do tell!

(This is not a copyrighted idea so I promise not to sue when Bravo places it on their schedule next year.)

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Comments

[Ron Knoth]

Dear Kat,

If so, PLEASE (I beg you) go to amazon.com and get Norn Fueti's scathingly brilliant, "Pretending You Care" book, or re-read my post on this very site on July 01, 2008, "The Comic Striptease".

Regards,

Ron Knoth

[kat]

I spent 13 years in the luxury retail industry and this is something we talked about frequently! Except the show we dreamed of would feature the crazy customers and the hilarious and infuriating ways they treat sales associates!!

[Ron Knoth]

Dear Susan,

I love your site. My Global Marketplace class is working on a project concerning Lima, Peru. Your search engine brought up a slew of great articles, none of which were in any of my databases. Your site was under my radar, but rest assured, I'll be visiting often.

Thanks for the lovely comments. I adore woring with "The Diva" it's always a pleasure! Time permitting, check out my website too www.thebespokenfor.net

[Sharon]

Hello,

My Name is Sharon. Your blog is good online source for retail industry information. Its a good blog with lots of information. Keep the good work on.

I will definitely bookmark your blog. You may also kindly visit my website giving information on market research reports on different industries that is http://www.bharatbook.com and I would appreciate if you could kindly have a look at my website too. It's updated on a daily basis

Thanks & Regards,
Sharon

[Ron Knoth]

Dear Mark,

Indeed, Fred Segal will be introduced vis-a-vis a television reality series. I only know Fred Segal from reputation and wish them the best.

There have been a few not so great TV reality/makeover shows on retail, most done half heartedly.

Fred Segal deserves better. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Ron

[Ron Knoth]

Dear Christian,

Thanks for the rave! In return, I nearly went out and purchased a push mower myself from Home Depot after reading your blog, then I realized, what the *$%@! I live in a studio apartment on the Upper West Side of NY.

I love sharing the diva with you. Please check out my website, www.thebespokenfor.net which is amusing and academic.

You can blog on my site anytime.

Ron

[Christian Davies]

Ron!

You answered my prayers (see "Call yourself a Creative" from a few weeks back). I'm totally convinced retail and reality have a future.

Two concepts separated by only a single letter. Born for each other.

As always, love your stuff.

C.

[mark]

Reatil is coming to TV, LA style-
I believe Bravo is about to launch a reality show about Fred Segal..