Is Christmas Coming This Year?

  "Christmas Isn’t Coming This Year," is a 1966 cult classic film directed by actor, Rossano Brazzi, starring Paul Tripp (also the scriptwriter). The beloved Tripp was the host of “Birthday House,” a kid’s show where you could have your birthday on TV. (Which yes, my mother would not write a letter for me because she thought it was too ostentatious, no sour grapes!) On the face of it, it’s just a cheesy Italian film, poorly dubbed, but it used to air on TV, and became a holiday classic. The only thing the film is missing is Pia Zadora as a Martian child.
 
Practically ripped from today’s headlines, the film remains frightening apropos. Tripp plays Sam Whipple (no relation to Charmin), an attorney in Once-Upon-A-Time-Land (although I never thought of elves as being especially litigious), who is startled to receive a visit from Santa Claus shortly before Christmas. It seems that when Sam was a child, he wrote a letter thanking Santa for the presents he'd received, and offering to return the favor someday. (Sweet, I never sent a thank you!) Well, that day is now! A mean old landlord named Phineas Prune, who holds the deed to the North Pole, is demanding the back rent. (Santa a deadbeat? Note to Santa, refinance!) Otherwise, Prune is going to evict Santa, Mrs. Claus and the jolly elves to the curb, and take all the Christmas toys as collateral. A despondent Santa confides to Whipple that, “It looks like Christmas isn’t coming this year.” Face facts, in December Santa is cash poor. Quicker than you can say Fannie Mae, Whipple takes matter into his hands and just in the (saint) nick of time.
 
Well, across America there are eerily similar stories being played out, not just by homeowners, but especially by retailers who overbuilt stores, and some in locations where they knew there was inadequate business to sustain them. They too are being kicked to the curb. With easy financing, high interest rates and loans approved without due diligence, it was a real estate free for all. Now we’re paying the price.
 
Complicating matters, more people are making their purchases online, rather than standing in line. With the frantic 911 response to last holiday's dismal sales, retailers spoiled us with doorbusters, giveaways and insanely reduced prices creating a discount mania--if it wasn’t marked down 80 percent, customers walked away. Other customers quickly learned to buy late, and buy cheep. Post-holiday season, customers realized that they could get by with less, and that another gray cashmere sweater wasn’t a priority.
 
Anticipating this trend, retailers are starting the holiday season sooner. Traditionally in the United States, Christmas officially started the day after Thanksgiving. Customers will complain that Christmas is coming too early, and that it’s a turn-off. Personally, I love it. By the way, in Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, retailers starting installing Christmas ages ago. (FYI: Here’s a historical factoid, in the United States, Thanksgiving traditionally fell the last Thursday of November, by proclamation of Abraham Lincoln. Retailers in 1939 asked President Roosevelt to move it up a week to extend the buying season during the Great Depression to help beef up sales, and there it has remained.)
 

Personally, without being too Jerry Hermanish, I think “We Need A Little Christmas.” What harm comes from some bright red bengaline, a holiday bough, some flickering B lights and some suggestion of hearth and home? Holiday time is about giving, not buying. Retailers are doing their best to give us a great holiday experience, let’s not be Scrooges. Christmas is coming this year!

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Misspelled Tattoo

It’s the time of the year when many retailers start hiring their holiday help. It used to be Christmas help, but now it’s just generic, politically correct, “holiday help.” God bless retailers everyone. Even with sales projections down by 1 percent from last year, retailers are still hoping that Santa will work his magic--but it’s difficult to trust the only man who lives in the Arctic and still drives a sleigh.
 
Well, just yesterday I was in one of my favorite retailers (I won’t mention their name) and I realized that there were temps (aka the lowest form of humanity on the retail hierarchy) all over the place. It was delightful. The holiday season has begun. I was asked if I needed help at least a dozen times over.
 
Now you know I’m a seasoned shopper, and I know this particular store especially well. I’m also obsessively compulsive as visual merchandisers are wont to be. I was in the men’s shoe department perusing a table of cordovan tasseled loafers, straightening up. The shoes were grossly out of alignment, by at least as much of a quarter of an inch, and it was driving me crazy. Anyway, carpe diem, I decided to take the opportunity to rearrange them by style and price point, which seemed perfectly reasonable to me. I looked just like I belonged on the sales floor, busy and officious. (FYI: I’d never pass this retailer’s psychological test, but I digress.) It was no surprise to me when a misguided tourist asked me where they could find the elevator. I barely got an “Ola” out of my mouth when a well-meaning holiday helper interrupted. I wouldn’t take issue, but he directed the customer towards the escalator thattakes you to “Juniors,” which is the next best thing to schizophrenia at this store. The mind reels!
 
As for standards in the great American retail landscape, despite the talent out there, some stores will hire anyone; you’d think they’d be more discriminating. Let me paint the picture…The holiday helper was all of 19 (maybe), with a Christen Soriano wispy boy coif, black channel polish on his pinky (only), chattering silver cuffs, a discrete amount of eyeliner and a tattoo poking out of the back of his neck that read “Only God juges me.”(Maybe he couldn’t read it, it was on the back of his neck, after all.) I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and accept “juges” sort of as in the way Carson Kressley of “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” would “jujje” someone’s hair. But no, it was meant as in “judges,” to pronounce a declarative analysis of right or wrong, or good and bad.
 
So I will take his misspelled tattoo to heart and I will not “juge” him. As for God, I doubt he shops at this store; he always seemed more like a Nordstrom kind of guy to me.

 

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Knit One, Pearl Two

Across America there are empty storefronts reminding us that, while the worst of the recession may be over, it’s still a long way back to normal. That’s presuming that things will ever be normal again. What will the new normal look like? TBD.

The empty storefronts are metaphors for loss, a life once filled with diversions. Empty stores are like exclamation points, they dot Main Street like punctuations. Store windows once decorated with holiday trim now have unattractive “This space for lease...will build to suit” posters, insulting us on our way to work, or the unemployment line.

Across America there are artists, poets, photographers, actors, dancers and musicians sorely in need of ad-hoc space to present their craft. Well, just the other day, I was on the way from my office to Carnegie Hall, and running late (no jokes, no I didn’t practice, practice, practice) when I came across a familiar retailer that recently closed its store on Sixth Avenue. What to my wondering eyes did appear, but a super groovy--albeit bizarre (my opinion)--conceptual artist who had crocheted a labyrinth of webs and custom-crocheted cozies. She crocheted cozies for a sled, chairs and an indignant look pug dog--she had even crocheted herself into a carpet and had a live model doing contortionist-like moves in a crocheted bikini. Rest assured the window was provocative and made me rethink my grandmother's custom-crocheted Kleenex box with plastic Payettes.

There are few affordable theater and gallery spaces anywhere. Hence, some enterprising partnerships are popping up. Once-adversarial-cast landlords with spare stock on their books are donating, or offering spaces at deep reductions in rental, to these talented people. It’s a win-win. Naturally, it’s great for artists, but it’s equally terrific for the landlord who looks like a “good-guy,” and a part of the community. This exchange of space instills generosity and good-will among us commoners who are looking for affordable (if not free) entertainment off the beaten track. If you can’t afford a night out at the theater, or need to buy a small popcorn/small diet cola at the Cineplex to make ends meet, then this is the ticket!

Think of it as a store that’s being used for a poetry slam, a photo exhibit or a production of “Abies Irish Rose.” For decades, artists have tried to create happenings outside of the “norm,” Isadora Duncan danced on the beach (granted it was the Italian Riviera),  Augusto Boal performs his union propaganda plays at local supermarkets and even Kayne West made a video at Macy’s.

Was the public interested? The installation attracted more attention than Momorar Kaddafi and Barak Obama, who were just a few blocks away at the UN. People anxious to get home on the 5:15 were entranced. Saks' best windows don’t draw these kinds of crowds. Like an accident, when one New Yorker sees a crowd they are liable to join in--it’s our nature. People were snapping photos with their cell phones, talking to each other (New Yorkers?) and tapping the glass to get the artists attention. I even saw a cop smile!

So landlords with a heart, if you want some positive attention to draw potential renters, think about calling your local artist and offer your space as a quid pro quo. Who knows, maybe one of those enlightened souls knows someone looking for a corner lot to rent.

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

 

Retailers Are Like Boyfriends

Whether you are married, living with someone, dating, or single, we all know that we are attracted to certain retailers--just like we are to men or women. Unfortunately, we spend more quality time with our retail boyfriends than our real-life ones.
 
Freud described this phenomenon as the Oedipus Complex, unconsciously becoming attracted to a mate who personifies the (repressed) attributes of our mommy or daddy, (involuntary shudder) which still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
 
They say for every pot there is a lid…Example: if you are attracted to those bad-boy types, you probably shop at Ed Hardy, maybe Marc Jacobs (just to make Ed jealous), or that shirtless flirt, Abercrombie & Fitch. Trust me--those retailing bad boys are high maintenance.
 
If you are attracted to the kind of men that you’d bring home to your mom, you probably shop at GANT, Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers, Coach or Cole Haan. They are respectable, they are the kind of retailing boyfriends whose stores (homes) already look like the club room at a (non-restricted) country club, and besides, they are financially stable. They make excellent retailing boyfriends. Tally Ho!
 
Once in everyone’s life, we have to have a retail boyfriend we regret-- summer fling--and what’s more attractive than an European accent, which is why a Euro-trash retailing boyfriend like Louis Vuitton, Versace, Ferregamo, Prada, or Gucci fits the bill. (See “The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone.”) At first, it’s all glamour and romance, and then it fizzles like a cigarette butt in a coffee cup in a lonely sidewalk café. Don’t let this happen to you.
 
Ask yourself: Is ebay, Amazon or Bluefly your Match.com?
 
Some of us go for those intellectual, geeky types (remember the board game “Mystery Date”…"I got the dud”?) If so, Thom Browne, Kenneth Cole, Zac Posen and Isaac Mizrahi might just be your cup of tea. Granted, they themselves may not show up in a sequel to “Revenge of The Nerds,” but they personify the sort of retailing boyfriends that are smart, appreciate us and, most importantly, won’t cheat on us (like A&F).
 
I, alas, prefer the sophisticated scoundrel, as personified by the sexy Tom Ford and Dolce & Gabbana. These are retailing boyfriends who are seductive, slick and promise you the world. Granted, they treat us terribly. They’re nothing more than retailing gigolos. Sure they will tell you that you’re the only one, but rest assured, they make fun of you as you exit the store. Boo…Hoo…Hoo. Shamefully, we go back for more.
 
Are you the all-American who sees themselves with the boy next door? You know, the winsome athletic type...if so, Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, Todd Oldham (Old Navy), L..L Bean, and Michael Bartlett (Claiborne) are the perfect groom atop your retailing wedding cake. They’re cute, take a great picture and always look like they just took a shower. They’re not a threat to others, but your friends are all envious of them.
 
Are you into biker-types like John Varvatos, Christian Audigier and Rock & Republic? Watch out, these retailing boyfriends have a dark side--they’re unpredictable and are dangerous. If you wear them out, you’ll get a bad reputation. You’ve been warned.

I need to go to retail couples therapy. The question is: how am I going to get Phineas Cole through the door?

Which retailer have you been dating? Tell us here! Inquiring minds want to know...

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Photo: Carlo Dapino|Dreamstime.com

Buying into the Bite

Remember the days of a classic, traditional vampire plot line? Well forget them. These days, box office smashes like the “Twilight Saga” and hit television series like “True Blood” have taken these monsters and turned them into leading men. With this surge of popularity in recent years, it’s not surprising that vampire stories have come out of the coffin and into the shops of our favorite retailers.

Recently, big-time movie production agencies have partnered with big-time retailers. Summit Entertainment, who of course is responsible for bringing “Twilight” to the big screen, has now found a new niche in the retailing industry, signing with both Nordstrom and teen clothing retailer Hot Topic. Both stores have been granted the rights to have “Twilight”-inspired merchandise designed and sold exclusively at their stores. The collection will include T-shirts, jackets, dresses, jewelry and key chains, with phrases like “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob.” Can you imagine the line of excited tweens ready to sink their teeth into these products when the line debuts on Oct. 15?
 
With the vampire craze in full swing, many people believe consumers not only want to dress like their favorite villain, but they also want to drink with them, too. No, not the mass selling of A-positive and O-negative blood on the black market. Rather, a soda-like drink inspired from HBO’s “True Blood” will soon be on store shelves. The drink, which appears on the show as a “blood substitute” for vampires, will be a slightly tart and lightly sweetened, blood-orange drink, marketed as “All Flavor, No Bite.”

How well will the franchises fare away from their entertainment settings? Only time will tell whether the vampire craze will see continued success or end up lifeless. Tell the Retail Design Diva your prediction!

--Jaime Moricco, Guest Blogger, LIM student

Kiss My Asphalt

New York City, with its concrete skyscrapers, might on first glance seem over populated, over built and over mechanized. In truth, New York City is one of America’s “greenest” cities in the world today. Buildings are green, New Yorkers tend to walk to work and the grocery store or take mass transit, and New Yorkers are great recyclers. The average New Yorker produces the equivalent of 7.5 tons of carbon emissions to the 25.5 produced by other Americans. Crimmany, that still seems appallingly high, I don’t even have a driver’s license or smoke.

In a novel experiment, Broadway/Times Square, one of the densest populated portions of the city (which is visited by more than 350,000 people who throng the area daily to gawk at the LED billboards, pick up discount tickets for Broadway and shop at Toys R Us, the M&M Candy Store, and Planet Hollywood), is being given a reprieve--there’s no more traffic. It’s gone! Mayor Bloomberg has closed off the street to all traffic, as in not a cab in sight. Automobiles are “compass non-gratis," strictly not welcome. The traffic has all been diverted to other avenues and streets. The sidewalks, which are usually crammed with humanity, as cabs, cars, buses and trucks clamored for space on the most famous thoroughfare in the world, are now so wide open you could do a waltz, and not bump into a pick-pocket. You can stroll on the street and not even have to look both ways before crossing.

Exhausted tourists and natives in need of a place to unwind can linger and contemplate the barrage of billboards, advertising Good Morning America and Mamma Mia. A boon to street performers, you might even be serenaded by the infamous Naked Cowboy, (he’s not really naked, he wears a thong and cowboy boots). Office workers can brown bag it at lunchtime and catch some rays. Replacing all the gridlock are outdoor lawn chairs, creating a vacuous backyard--America’s backyard? Well the closest thing to a backyard we get here in New York City.

Granted, there are no fountains, no sculpture, no planters, just asphalt and lawn chairs. It’s sort of like relaxing in a “huge” (Paris Hilton’s new favorite word) parking lot. Presumably, if this urban Valhalla experiment works, those things will come. In the interim, it is a lawn chair only policy. Actually, these particular chairs are temporary and were purchased for $10.74 each, at a local hardware store (stock up!). Many of the original 350 are already starting to sag and show signs of overuse. In a strange, unexplained twist of urban planning, people all seem to sit in the same direction, looking uptown, like they're waiting for a movie to begin--or the mothership to land. It’s a little freaky.

This green experiment is meeting mixed reviews, but I’m all for anything that promotes eco-consciousness. I look forward to the day when traffic is completely passé, and the streets become one great park, marrying retail and business to the outdoors. Trees and flowers are always prettier than a Buick or diesel truck.

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Max Factor Hits the Powder Dust

Max Factor cosmetics, a brand founded more than 100 years ago by a Polish-Jewish makeup artist for the Russian royal ballet, will no longer be sold in the United States. It’s going fast, so load up while supplies last.

Mac Factor was up until recently one of America’s best known, best made, cosmetics brand. Yeah well, looked what happened to GM and Chrysler, too.

Procter & Gamble, who has owned the brand since 1991, is dropping the glamorous Hollywood-associated Max Factor to focus its efforts elsewhere, primarily on its more successful Cover Girl brand. (P&G bought the brand in 1991 from Revlon for $1.5 billion.)

The brand will continue to be sold in other countries around the world, but will cease distribution to U.S. drugstores and Wal-Mart stores, where P&G has been concentrating its efforts. The brand is reportedly  sold in only an estimated 8,000 U.S. stores, compared to Cover Girl, which is sold in more than 50,000 stores.

I just don’t get it. How is it possible that P&G can’t sell a tube of mascara?

Max Factor (the founder of the company) coined the term "make-up," based on the verb "to make up" (one's face) and worked with the likes of Jean Harlow, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford and Judy Garland out of the Factor beauty salon near Hollywood Boulevard. The man and his company were behind a number of innovations including lip gloss in 1930, Pan-Cake Makeup, forerunner of all modern cake makeup’s in 1937, and the first "waterproof" makeup in 1971.

If I were Max Factor, I’d call up Adam Lambert’s people and broker a deal so fast that Cover Girl wouldn’t know what hit them. And it wouldn’t be a powder puff!

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

A Different Kind Of Label

Usually when we talk about labels, we think of the epitimous fashion labels  of Chanel, Dior and Calvin Klein. Well, a lawsuit is erupting over a label of an all together different kind....read on for the drama!

Are you jacked up on you Starbucks Grande pike roast? If so, I must ask you to think about instant coffee. You know those magical coffee crystals. Ah, the wonders of science meet tap water.

Move over Betty Crocker, in 1986, model Russell Christoff posed for a Taster's Choice coffee photo shoot in Canada. No biggie, he thought. He gave permission for the photo to be used in Canada. Little did he know that Taster's Choice had other diabolical plans for the photo, and that his image would end up in I don’t know how many TV commercials, print ads and plastered on coffee cans in 21 countries, including the Latin regions where they darkened his pallid complexion and added macho sideburns so the Latino customers would better relate to his love for the delicious Taster's Choice brew. In-exofficio, Christoff wound up becoming the company’s trademark.

You see, it seems that the photo was tucked away into Taster's Choice archives after that first shoot in Canada, but was reintroduced in 1998, for wide release, when a Nestle employee was searching the archives for just the right "Taster" to portray the brand. Apparently, without consulting the model release, Nestle began using the image without Christoff's permission. After all, he was just a model, but Christoff looked like he really was digging the air brushed aroma waves emanating from the cup. It was money in the bank!

That being said, the issue ended up in court. Christoff initially won $15.6 million in damages (that’s a lot of coffee, almost as much as my companion Jimmy drinks each year),  but that claim was overturned as being “excessive,” and that it exceeded the two-year statute of limitations. Now, Christoff is back in court, arguing the verdict’s reversal should be reversed. It is a complicated legal matter, but one that could have been solved so simply, back when that employee found that image, by simply asking the model for a new release.

I’m sticking to tea.

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger

Just Say No to Counterfeiting

Fakes are tempting for the average consumer--I’m just being honest. The lure of buying a little slice of fashion ecstasy, an homage really, is a reasonable offer in hard economic times, and it can be rationalized as a “deal” you didn’t “realize” was a Frada or a Louis Freeton. The sympathy meter is running short for high-ticket brands. Unfortunately, this is exactly what highly organized, global brand extortionists are banking on.

The reality of both online and offline crimes-against-our-brands is that it isn’t limited to the labels of luxury. Everything from computer components, batteries, car parts, prescription medications, baby formula and the can of soda you could be drinking right now have fallen prey to counterfeiting. Brand crime also comes in the form of cyber-criminals lifting a trusted bank’s logo to perpetrate a phishing scam to gain access to private accounts and personal information.

Criminals are also getting smarter. Counterfeit products and online scams are getting harder to detect. While most of us know that there isn’t actually a Nigerian prince who is in need of immediate wire transfers to gain freedom from prison to free his people, we can’t all tell if a product purchased in a trusted retailer is real or fake. So just think how the average consumer walking down Canal Street in New York might feel!

Here are a couple more facts to consider: counterfeiting costs the U.S. economy more than $200 billion each year; the toy industry alone estimates close to 80,000 jobs lost due to counterfeiting and fraud; and between 5 percent to 7 percent of global trade is lost due to counterfeiting. Let’s also consider that the weakened economy has created an environment where every dollar and every job counts.

This is why the Chief Marketing Officer (CMO) Council embarked on a six-month study to benchmark what marketers were doing to protect the consumer’s brand and customer experience. What we found was that marketers are very aware of the threats, both online and off. The greatest encroachments are coming from cybersquatters and brand-jackers who illegally use brand names online and in URLs. Copyright infringement and theft of digital media is also a growing problem.

Marketers also agree that there’s a distinct cost to the brand at the hands of brand trespassers. Dilution of brand value and consumer counterfeit confusion are key issues. And, the majority of marketers estimate losses in sales between 5 percent and 15 percent.

What can be done: we can get smarter, faster. Marketers must monitor and protect their brands. If marketers truly step into their role as architects and owners of the customer experience, brand confidence will take a priority position in the mandate line. This is no longer a problem that can be relegated to legal or to industry watch-dog and lobbying organizations. This is a raging bull that must be taken by the horns.

To see what else marketers are saying about this issue, download the report by visiting http://www.cmocouncil.org/resources/form_protection.asp.

—Liz Miller, Guest Blogger
Liz Miller is vice president of programs & operations, CMO Council

The Retail Reality Show

America loves reality TV, especially when it’s not really real. Retail has not made into the reality genre as yet, but hand to God, I pray someday it might. It could be great for the industry.

Granted, reality TV has long embraced, swarthy semi-clad men doing a flawless passé double, blonde cougars on the prowl, weary-eyed bachelors and teary-eyed bachelorettes handing out red roses, guy lined singers, tyrannical chefs with bad hair cuts, Christian Siriano, Joan Rivers--and even enjoyed the occasional survivor being force-fed a tasty treat of scorpions and maggots. It’s a pretty broad landscape, but one bereft of the world of retail.

Here is my proposal--some enterprising TV producer should create a series called “The Great American Storey” (Get it? Storey instead of Story!). Ten stores would compete for sales by having to complete some sort of a retail obstacle each week. There would be an open casting call, and each store (instead of singing off key) would have to describe their store (without naming it) and why they think it’s the best store in America, and therefore has the best "storey." Hence, the clever title of the show. Week one: the CEOs of Macy’s, Saks and Wal-Mart would have to work on the sales floors of their stores, in the towel department, (historically the lowest rung in retail hierarchy of departments) and actually speak to customers and sales associates. Oh, by the way, they’d work the same cruddy hours, have to wear polo shirts and name badges, and only get minimum wage. Week two: similar stores like Banana Republic and Club Monaco, or Uniqulo and The Gap, would need to swap all their merchandise with each other to see how long it would take for customers to even realize they were in the wrong store. The first customer that realizes, “Hey, I’m in Abercrombie & Fitch, not a Hollister,” wins that week’s immunity. In another week’s episode, stores would need to create a window display that epitomized the company’s core message. Here’s the catch, a customer chosen at random will tell them what they think the company’s core message is (laughter ensues). America would vote each week by going to the company’s Web site and clicking a link. During the show, I see product placement, celebrity guests, great advertising in prime time, and a renewed interest in America to check out these retailers. Naturally, there’d be a panel of three judges, respected names in the industry, reading the competitors to filth or cheering them on-- Simon Doonan, Sam Walton and Andrea Jung are my nominees.

The possibilities are endless. What retail challenges would you like to see? Do tell!

(This is not a copyrighted idea so I promise not to sue when Bravo places it on their schedule next year.)

--Ron Knoth, Guest Blogger